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Lean In To Your Emotional Resistance to Fight Fear

Emotional resistance is the force that drives you to keep your unhealthy habits firmly in place. This force is often hidden and goes undetected, for example: Procrastination. Why do we develop emotional resistance then?

 

To “protect us against”:

1. Fear of the unknown – We are naturally resistant to change and are creatures of habit. Especially change that is put on us and requires us learning new things. We want to be in control and guide our every move to keep control.

2. Fear of change – We are afraid of letting go of familiar habits( even habits that do not serve us) because we fear that getting out of our comfort zone and risking a new way of being will mean even more pain, or pain we cannot handle.

3. Fear of being wrong – We want to be always right, to control everything and we tend to justify, rationalize and blame everything outside of us in order to keep us from looking inside and learning how we created situations and gaining our power back as deliberate creators.

Decide on one action you will take for the rest of the week to fight fear and embrace resistance. One little uncomfortable step that even as you think about it, you can feel resistance already. Here’s mine; This week I have made the commitment to promote my book to press (radio shows, TV shows), bloggers and online personalities. One call or email every day. I am exercising my visibility muscle. If you know me, you’ll know that this is way out of my comfort zone.

I feel like I am bugging people when I do this. But guess what the results have been brilliant!! Don’t believe the lies! So what’s yours? Be Intentional and post it below, so you can be accountable.

 

Face Your Fear & Win

 

I shared some TIPS on how to face fears your fears and win with the ladies in my private Facebook group. Please watch below to learn more.

 

 

Book Your Clarity Call With Me for Just £97 

 

If you are stuck and are fed up of feeling stuck and frustrated about where you are at: it might be your relationship, your career, or perhaps you are struggling to answer these questions: Who am I? What do I want? What is my Purpose?  Or maybe life has recently thrown you a few curveballs. Whatever your predicament, don’t suffer in silence, and try to work it out on your own, GET IN TOUCH

I am offering a 90-minute coaching session for £97. To ensure that we work efficiently and effectively during the session, there will be a pre-session questionnaire.  So, come on, stop dilly dallying and book book your 90-minute session HERE

 

My signature Authenticity coaching programme will:

  • Help you understand you
  • Identify the root of your problems
  • Develop a success plan to make change happen
  • Build the courage  to change
  • Implement Change and live the life you truly want

Be Your Valentine

There was a period in my life when thoughts of Valentine’s day would fill me with either excitement or dread, depending on my relationship status.  I know it was the same for many of my friends.  We are told that Valentine’s day is all about love and whilst it is great to have a special day dedicated to love, it feels unfair that romance is the most celebrated on Valentine’s day.  Surely there are other types of love and relationships which are just as significant if not more, in our lives? What about the love of a BFF or Bestie who knows you inside out and was there to wipe your tears where your romantic love broke your heart? Surely such love is worth celebrating.  And then there’s the Bromance type of love, having a real mate to give you a man hug when life feels down, is worth a shout out on Valentine’s day.  Then there is the love of family: parents, siblings, aunties, uncles, godparents, grandparents and the list goes on and on. Love has so many faces and means different things to different people and if we had an all-inclusive love day, then no one would be left feeling like a bystander whilst loved up couples enjoy flowers, treats, chocolates and fancy dinners for two only.

Sadly, there is one type of love that is constantly underrated, despite being so pivotal in enabling other types of love to thrive. And that is Self-love. Isn’t it interesting that we place so much value and emphasis on giving our hearts to the “one true love” but so little time and heart for ourselves. There is a saying that in other for us to love others wholly and truly, we need to love ourselves first. Many think it is selfish to love ourselves in this way, but there is a difference between self-love and being selfish or self-absorbed.  Self-love is about being nurturing to yourself, not being critical of you, accepting that you are enough, warts and all.  It is about placing value on yourself and treating you with kindness and respect.  The more I learned to love myself in this way, the more accepting and gracious I became towards others. The more I loved and accepted myself, I found my desperation to place my happiness in the hands of “the one” disappeared. I stopped hankering after someone to love me, because that hole was nearly filled.  And I could recognise a mile off those who were deserving of my love and whose love would add positively to mine and edify me.

So here is my challenge to you for Valentine’s: and this applies whether you are in a relationship or not.  Be Your Valentine’s.  Send yourself a moon-pig card with words of love and treat yourself to something nice. Schedule a date with yourself, either in doors watching a movie or outdoors doing something fun.  Spend time writing words of affirmation on post it notes all around your room.

Here are my words of affirmation:

I am worthy

I am beautiful

I am enough

I am good

I am imperfect and that is okay!

 

Now it’s your turn.  Write down 5 affirmation statements
I am….

And you know what is even better? You can do this 365 days of the year, not just on Valentine’s day.

 

If you are stuck and are fed up of feeling stuck and frustrated about where you are at: it might be your relationship, your career, or perhaps you are struggling to answer these questions: Who am I? What do I want? What is my Purpose?  Or maybe life has recently thrown you a few curveballs. Whatever your predicament, don’t suffer in silence, and try to work it out on your own, GET IN TOUCH!

I am offering a 90-minute coaching session for £97. To ensure that we work efficiently and effectively during the session, there will be a pre-session questionnaire.  So, come on, stop dilly dallying and book Your 90-minutes session here

My signature Authenticity coaching programme will:

  • Help you understand you
  • Identify the root of your problems
  • Develop a success plan to make change happen
  • Build the courage  to change
  • Implement Change and live the life you truly want

5 Rules To Achieve Your Goals

So reflection time – How was January? If you made New Year resolutions or set yourself goals at the start of the year, are you feeling on track to achieve?

Before you answer the question… PAUSE

Lets reflect together and do a constructive monthly reflection exercise.

WWW – what went well in the January?

EBI – Even better If? What would have gone been better in January if…
OFG – Opportunities for Growth – These are the lessons you have learned and how you can apply them in February.

Don’t be hard on yourself or super-critical about the things you did not achieve. That will only demotivate and demoralise you further. Be kind to You.  Be realistic and honest with yourself.

Why did things not go according to plan?

Were your goals SMART?

S – specific, significant, stretchingM – measurable, meaningful, motivationalA – agreed upon, attainable, achievable, acceptable, action-orientedR – realistic, relevant, reasonable, rewarding, results-orientedT – time-based, time-bound, timely, tangible, trackable For me, one goal which would have been Even better if… was my plan to exercise frequently and tone up.  Having being unwell at the start of the year, I have really struggled to get into an exercise routine and it has been very sporadic over the last few weeks.  Medically it can take weeks for the body to recover from a virus but at the same time my exercise goals were not SMART at all. I had a wish or desire, but that was it.  No planning, no specifics, nothing.

So this morning, I woke up energised, and motivated to exercise.  It went well until I had to do squat jumps which I loathe with a passion.  As I groaned from the sheer pain, Dara (my daughter, bless her) said “Mummy you know…. Good things sometimes come from bad things, so don’t give up”  Wow! From the mouth of babes.  That was wisdom right there.  Because something is painful, doesn’t mean I should give up.  I will reap the rewards if I persevere. As the saying goes “no pain, no gain”.  She definitely helped me carry on jumping and not give up.

After my work out,  I proceeded to get Dara ready for school. She turned to me and said, “Mummy but your arms aren’t any bigger, you still look the same, I thought exercise gives you muscles”  Awww!!  my response to her was “it takes time Dara, I have to keep at it”.  Another pearl of wisdom gained! Change is rarely instantaneous. It takes time, consistency, application, being intentional, commitment and investment.

So, this month I am committed to ensuring that my fitness and exercise goals are SMART

S – specific, significant – what exactly do I want to achieve?  My goal is to lose half a stone J  Tone up my arms, thighs and butt! Which means I have to include weight bearing exercises.

– measurable, meaningful, motivational  – It has to be motivational for me otherwise I won’t bother. So I know I love dance and dance based exercises. I am not big on going to the gym and with my time schedule right now, I would be fooling myself to think I would go the gym frequently. The most consistent I have been with my work-out always involved a strong element of dance which is fun for me. So I have to stick with what motivates me.

A – agreed upon, attainable, achievable, acceptable, action-oriented  – What is your motivation for setting this goal?  If you are doing it because you think you should or because someone advised you to, then you might struggle to continue.  The goal must be acceptable to you and you mus have bought into it.  I know I don’t enjoy going to the gym, yet for some reason I feel I should, just because a lot of my friends do.  I keep making promises to myself to sign up to a gym, and start working out in earnest. Guess what? I still haven’t signed up and all I do is procrastinate and not exercise at all!
R – realistic, relevant, reasonable, rewarding, results-oriented  – Are you being realistic with your goals? Seriously? Be honest about what you can achieve.  Don’t focus on massive or big wins but little wins and reward yourself.
T – time-based, time-bound, timely, tangible, trackable  –  If you don’t plan or set aside time in your day to day activity, chances are you will not achieve or make attempts to achieve the goal.  I have set work-out time in my calendar with reminders. I would like to work out as consistently as possible at the same time every day, which is a great habit forming exercise.

If you are feeling like your goals are unreachable, unattainable, or you are just feeling blah, book aFREE 30 MINUTES SESSION and lets chat

My Signature Authenticity coaching programme will

  • Help you understand you
  • Identify the root of your problems
  • Develop a success plan to make change happen
  • Build the courage to change
  • Implement Change and live the life you truly want

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Lean In To Your Emotional Resistance to Fight Fear

Emotional resistance is the force that drives you to keep your unhealthy habits firmly in place. This force is often hidden and goes undetected, for example: Procrastination. Why do we develop emotional resistance then?

Be Your Valentine

There was a period in my life when thoughts of Valentine’s day would fill me with either excitement or dread, depending on my relationship status.

5 Rules To Achieve Your Goals

So reflection time – How was January? If you made New Year resolutions or set yourself goals at the start of the year, are you feeling on track to achieve?

Are You Truly Confident?

When I look back over my life, I can honestly say that what I portrayed as confidence actually pointed to a lack of it. When we seek approval from others, or try to be who we think we should be in the eyes of others, by emulating a popular trend or fashion to the...

Are You Truly Confident?

When I look back over my life, I can honestly say that what I portrayed as confidence actually pointed to a lack of it. When we seek approval from others, or try to be who we think we should be in the eyes of others, by emulating a popular trend or fashion to the detriment of our own path, then surely we lack confidence in who we are. Conformity is not confidence but instead can highlight where true confidence is lacking. If you follow the trend, fashion, majorly because you really like it, great! But if you do it and you know on the inside you don’t like it, but feel that you should, then lack of confidence is an issue.  – Excerpt from my book “My My Hair and the Rest”

What does being truly Confident mean to you? Are you able to be yourself? Is your worth founded on the opinions of others? Have you discovered the real you?

Here are some questions to help you become confident and authentic:

  1. What are your values?
  2. What’s important to you in life?
  3. What would you like out of life?
  4. How are you being true to who you are? How are you not? What stops you from being you?
  5. In what situations do you feel like you’re being authentic, and in what situations are you not, and why not?
  6. What are your gifts?
  7. What are your strengths?
  8. What are your weaknesses?
  9. What makes you stand out?
  10. Does your walk reflect your talk?
  11. What do you have that can help others?

Taking time to reflect on this increases your self-awareness and can help align you to your purpose. Lack of confidence, and inauthenticity breeds frustration, envy, depression, inadequacy and other self-destroying feelings. The more authentic you are, the more people will draw close to you and trust you. This applies to every area of your life: relationships, business and career.  Do not be afraid to stand out and be true to who you are!

 

IS THIS YOU?

I help my clients dig deep to discover their true self and the clarity and courage to make the changes that will enable them have a deeply satisfying life.

Book a FREE 30 minute session and let’s chat. Let nothing stop your Brilliance from emerging  in 2017!

Read praise from current and past clients here

My signature Transformational coaching programme will:

  • Help you understand you

  • Identify the root of your problems

  • Develop a success plan to make change happen

  • Build the courage  to change

  • Implement Change and live the life you truly want

Your first session with me

You walk in…
with the world on your shoulders

Burdened
Agitated
Resistant
Hesitant
Unsure

But you have reached a place where you are desperate to offload this burden, whatever it is.
I sense and feel your pain, I can see it in your eyes, in your body language…
Fear is always usually present, lurking,
At the same time, I see a glimmer of hope and expectation
The unspoken question, “can this be fixed? can I be fixed?” hangs in the air until you feel bold enough to ask.
Of course I don’t answer, but I smile with a knowing.
Life has pushed you to a place where you are backed into a corner,
The rug suddenly pulled from under you,
Control snatched right out of your hands, leaving you powerless
and questioning who you really are.
Yet in this very scary, I know you are where you need to be.
To be still
To listen within
To look inward
To stop running and hiding
Allowing your wisdom to emerge
A part of me wants to say “welcome home”
Home, a place we abide.

 

IS THIS YOU?

I help my clients dig deep to discover their true self and the clarity and courage to make the changes that will enable them have a deeply satisfying life.

Book a FREE 30 minute session and let’s chat. Let nothing stop your Brilliance from emerging  in 2017!

Read praise from current and past clients here

 

My signature Transformational coaching programme will:

  • Help you understand you

  • Identify the root of your problems

  • Develop a success plan to make change happen

  • Build the courage  to change

  • Implement Change and live the life you truly want

Two key things you need to achieve change in 2017

So the end of 2016 is here and as usual, many are positioning themselves like athletes to get set, ready and go into 2017.
2016 was a difficult year for me, having lost my dad in June. This Christmas was the first without him, which was another painful reminder of the loss of his presence in my life.

I had said a few times that I couldn’t wait to see the back of 2016. However, I realise that I was allowing one tragedy in my life overshadow the many blessings that came with 2016.  And there have been many blessings which I am so grateful for.

2016 was a year of exponential growth for me – both personally and professionally.

This time last year, I had my resignation letter ready, after enduring five miserable weeks at a new job as I had started as a Business Analyst for a technology company in London. My plan was to work full time in my corporate job and part time in my private counselling and coaching practice.  My head said yes, my heart, instincts and my body screamed No!! No more! And by this stage I was self-aware enough to know that if I didn’t listen to my heart, I would be in for a miserable 2016. I had come too far in my journey to keep putting off my deepest dreams and desires.

Taking the leap of faith to quit my job and pursue my dream to help others become authentic and to develop self-awareness has been one of the best decisions taken in my adult life. No kidding. My life has been deeply enriched and doors of opportunities opened. All in one year!

So what was different in 2015?  Compared to the previous years of trying and failing?

There is a saying that when the pain and discomfort of your circumstances becomes far greater than your perceived fear of taking action, you are ready for change.
However I would add this, the physical act of me taking my leap of faith was the manifestation of years of cultivating self-awareness which exposed the truth of what I really believed about me.

Below are two key points I believe will help you to make lasting change.

 

Focus on the inward change first

Most times we seek change, we usually focus on the external behaviour and symptoms.  However, behaviours are the direct results of an internal belief you hold about yourself. Whilst it may be possible to alter behaviours short term, if the underlying belief is not changed, that behaviour will rear its ugly head or morph into something else (substitute behaviour)
For example, you are struggling with overeating, and embark on a diet or weight loss programme.  Whilst you might succeed in losing  the weight through sheer will and determination, if the underlying belief behind your excessive eating and relationship with food is not addressed you might struggle to sustain the weight loss or you might find that you have substituted your overeating with another behaviour.

The key here is self-awareness, taking the space and time to really understand what is happening internally.  Focus on understanding what beliefs are driving the behaviour and once you expose those negative beliefs, you can begin to work towards dispelling the lies and rooting them out. You will experience lasting change by doing this.
But here is the problem. Too often we prefer external change rather than internal processing. Why? Because we love being in control. We love doing. Because when we are doing, we are in control and we can see the effects, sometimes instantaneously.
But internal change on the other hand is sometimes slow, not tangible, difficult to control, makes us vulnerable and uncomfortable. So we resist. We would rather be doing and convincing ourselves that we are making progress.

So if you can relate to this, here is my encouragement for 2017. Cut yourself some slack. Quit the never ending search to break behaviours and habits for now and focus on developing self-awareness in that area. This is where counselling and coaching comes in to place. I work as a counsellor and coach using powerful psychotherapeutic tools and techniques that will help you become fully congruent and authentic in any area of your life where you feel out of control or stuck.  I have done a lot of research through client and consultancy work and I have found that there is usually a link between negative patterns of behaviour and inauthenticity.

 

Focus on becoming Authentic

I define authenticity as the courage to intuitively discover and follow my own unique path without fearing rejection or isolation for being different.

Let’s use my experience of taking the plunge to follow my own unique path. Through my self-awareness journey I realised that for much of my adult life I was trying so hard to be somebody that everybody would accept. I lacked the inability to listen to me let alone hear me. Because subconsciously I was so afraid that if I didn’t fit my perception of the ideal standard then it would mean that I had failed. That was my true belief. Success for me was defined by what I thought others approved of as success. I didn’t have to prove myself to me but it was imperative that I showed up for others.

Through my self-awareness journey, I realised this destructive way of thinking was the cause of many of my deep frustrations and emotional problems.  At the age of 28, I found myself in massive debt trying to maintain the facade of a successful and accomplished lifestyle.  I was earning good money but I was spending far more than my income whilst trying to ignore the despair, desperation and depression I was spiralling into. I spent money to try to make me happy. I ate and binged and was excessively bulimic in my twenties as a way of numbing the deep rooted emotional turmoil I was in, trying to take what little control I could of a life that was spinning far out of control. Everything about me was externally and materially focused. I pretended I liked my job and was doing well in it when deep down I was so dissatisfied. On top of that I realised that for so long I had spent years putting myself together to be the right outward package for my Mr Right that I neglected building the woman within.  I ticked all the boxes for outer beauty standards but there was so much work needed on the inside of me – big time. That was my vicious cycle for years and years.  Until I got fed up of the facade and reached a very low point in my life and my self-discovery journey started.

If you are going round and round in circles every year and struggling to hit the mark and achieve your desired change, I would say that perhaps the change you are seeking is not from an authentic place. Again I would encourage you to focus on an inward change – start within. As I began my self-awareness journey; understanding who I really was; owning my story; owning up to all the hidden things that I didn’t want to look at; acknowledging some difficult realisations about me; owning my mistakes and forgiving me; change began to take place. My true and authentic self began to emerge and substance began to take effect. I was no longer flaky or flighty.

From the depths of my heart I hope this inspires you. And at least helps to give you a real chance for 2017.  No more going round and round in circles.

Commit to starting your self-discovery journey in 2017

If my story resonates I would love to journey with you and support you to become your most authentic self.  When you learn to be your true and authentic self, you will discover and embrace your hidden unique qualities and you will be courageous to use those qualities to serve you and others.
Being authentic is the most attractive quality that you could ever have.

Here’s how I can help you achieve your desired change in 2017:

1) Download my workbook 5 steps to own your story and change your life. A powerful 5 module workbook that will help you begin your self-awareness journey. You will gain powerful insights by taking the time to do the exercises which I use in my private practice with my clients.

2) Join my private Facebook group Authenticity Club for Women where I share powerful tips, live videos and resources to help you as you journey with an intimate group of like-minded women. Starting January 2017, I will be holding monthly webinars using the modules in the own your story workbook.

3) One to one authenticity coaching and mentoring. Online or face to face if you live in Essex area ( or are prepared to come to Essex)
If you would like to get straight into working with me to deep dive into problem areas where you need support, coaching and mentoring please complete this intake form and I will get in touch.  Alternatively you can send me a message here to book a free 30 minute discovery call.
Please note this is not counselling, although I integrate counselling methodologies where necessary. It is far more detailed, structured and goal oriented than counselling. Hence there is quite a difference in fees – find out morehere

As a registered counsellor, I do limit my counselling services  to 5 clients per month.

Here is to 2017, the year of real lasting and authentic change, starting from the inside out!

Oby xx